I feel evil.
Here is a brief account of my abnormal life today (Thursday).
******
I woke up at around 9.30am. My mom asked if I wanted to go to the morning market. Of course I refused. What? Are you people treating me like a psycho now? The more all of you behave like that, the more twisted I am going to think and be. Realize that, please, for my sake and yours. It wouldn't be good for you people also, I might become uncontrollable.
Right, then I was all alone at home until noon. My mom asked me to do lots of stuff and I'd only finished everything though not all, at around 11.30am. No, I haven't eaten anything yet.
I was in a superbly depressed mode. SErious... You would think I snapped my mind as you continue reading this.
My mom and my two younger brothers came back about half an hour later. I still refused to eat anything. I practically shut myself up. I do not think they realize what was going on with me. I went to my room and stayed for quite a long time. And this was where it was out of the norm...
I shut my room's door and locked it, making sure quite a few times that not anyone can easily "break through". Of course, I wouldn't want anyone to see my ugliest time. I was in a very lost and confused state. My mind was so heavy that I couldn't catch up with my breath, nearly suffocating myself. I leaned against the lavender-pink wall facing the window and started a constant movement of softly banging my back against the wall, "wacking" both my fists to the well as well - all that done softly and without much noise.
Whilst doing that, tears streamed down my right cheek, soundlessly.
I then knelt down and squatted. I buried my forehead in between my knees. I rest there like that. I did not know how long I'd done, but not very long for sure. During that, tears rolled out of my eyes uncontrollably as well, noiseless.
I grew tired after quite some time and decided to change a "position". I thought I needed flowers. I was thinking that having plants - namely flowers - as friends r companions would be better than homo sapien even if they had big brains. The problem was - they did not use it however they should, with good and correct intentions. I was desperate after all. I remembered the sunflower petals I kept in one of my textbooks and scattered it on a spot. There were twelve petals altogether. The petals are from the sunflower that I received from a kind friend during Valentine's Day. It proved useful and purposeful. Fate?
I sat on the floor before the spot where I scattered the yellow petals. I sat limply and gathered the petals before me using one hand at first, then both. Even as I'm typing what happened then now, I felt weird, why did I do that? I do not understand. Desperado? I arranged the petals in a row and took one by one randomly and placed it on my left shoulder. The rest I just laid in my left palm. I laid there likewise for quite some time, resting. As I shift myself until I'm comfortable resting my head on the side of the bed, some of the petals or most of it fell off. All that, I placed it in my left palm. Only one was "stuck" on my shoulder.
I eventually woke up and left all the petals on my desk. That was when I finally decided I need some sleep after all that. Yes, I slept. Empty stomach. It was already 2 something just then. Imagine. Famine?
Next thing I knew, I woke up an hour later.
Definitely felt a lot better.
Hungry.
I only ate at 3pm.
It was long enough to spoil myself by then.
******
This might not be the first time. But it is very unhealthy.
I do hope, I'll not repeat this silly event anymore in the future.
As it is just too psy-chaotic.
Here is a brief account of my abnormal life today (Thursday).
******
I woke up at around 9.30am. My mom asked if I wanted to go to the morning market. Of course I refused. What? Are you people treating me like a psycho now? The more all of you behave like that, the more twisted I am going to think and be. Realize that, please, for my sake and yours. It wouldn't be good for you people also, I might become uncontrollable.
Right, then I was all alone at home until noon. My mom asked me to do lots of stuff and I'd only finished everything though not all, at around 11.30am. No, I haven't eaten anything yet.
I was in a superbly depressed mode. SErious... You would think I snapped my mind as you continue reading this.
My mom and my two younger brothers came back about half an hour later. I still refused to eat anything. I practically shut myself up. I do not think they realize what was going on with me. I went to my room and stayed for quite a long time. And this was where it was out of the norm...
I shut my room's door and locked it, making sure quite a few times that not anyone can easily "break through". Of course, I wouldn't want anyone to see my ugliest time. I was in a very lost and confused state. My mind was so heavy that I couldn't catch up with my breath, nearly suffocating myself. I leaned against the lavender-pink wall facing the window and started a constant movement of softly banging my back against the wall, "wacking" both my fists to the well as well - all that done softly and without much noise.
Whilst doing that, tears streamed down my right cheek, soundlessly.
I then knelt down and squatted. I buried my forehead in between my knees. I rest there like that. I did not know how long I'd done, but not very long for sure. During that, tears rolled out of my eyes uncontrollably as well, noiseless.
I grew tired after quite some time and decided to change a "position". I thought I needed flowers. I was thinking that having plants - namely flowers - as friends r companions would be better than homo sapien even if they had big brains. The problem was - they did not use it however they should, with good and correct intentions. I was desperate after all. I remembered the sunflower petals I kept in one of my textbooks and scattered it on a spot. There were twelve petals altogether. The petals are from the sunflower that I received from a kind friend during Valentine's Day. It proved useful and purposeful. Fate?
I sat on the floor before the spot where I scattered the yellow petals. I sat limply and gathered the petals before me using one hand at first, then both. Even as I'm typing what happened then now, I felt weird, why did I do that? I do not understand. Desperado? I arranged the petals in a row and took one by one randomly and placed it on my left shoulder. The rest I just laid in my left palm. I laid there likewise for quite some time, resting. As I shift myself until I'm comfortable resting my head on the side of the bed, some of the petals or most of it fell off. All that, I placed it in my left palm. Only one was "stuck" on my shoulder.
I eventually woke up and left all the petals on my desk. That was when I finally decided I need some sleep after all that. Yes, I slept. Empty stomach. It was already 2 something just then. Imagine. Famine?
Next thing I knew, I woke up an hour later.
Definitely felt a lot better.
Hungry.
I only ate at 3pm.
It was long enough to spoil myself by then.
******
This might not be the first time. But it is very unhealthy.
I do hope, I'll not repeat this silly event anymore in the future.
As it is just too psy-chaotic.
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